He let's me be a foolish child

it has hit the fan.
and I react as a dumbass would.
But He let's me act as a child.
For as He stands there,
letting me become depressed,
full of anxiety,
He let's me fit.
because its not like I'm asking for His help anyway.
cause that's what we (christians) do.
we want to be angry at God and not let Him work His mercy.
so He steps back, waiting til we realize, there is nothing wrong.
and when we realize nothings wrong,
that everything will be ok,
we laugh.
mostly at ourselves,
mostly out of joy
because He's laughing at us, as a father seeing His child throw a tantrum over a toy,
saying foolish child,
I was never away from you,
I was always with you,
I had everything planned,
throw your fit, be done with it,
and come back to me.
father I'm sorry for doubting you.
for not trusting you.
for letting the fear take me.
its showing me, putting my trust in you, isn't just words to say to sound nice during worship.
but its a physical placement of putting my life in your hands. something that we (christians) complicate, more so pervert.
because Gods plan for our life doesn't include fear and doubt, because fear and doubt isn't in Gods identity.
foolish as I am, thank you for letting me react humanly.
so I can find you again.

its freaking freezing

so my first winter here in maryland.
what do i have to say about it?
its freaking freezing!
i remember one day the guy on the radio said, "a high of 38"
and im like you suck
a high of 38
a high of 38!
what the heck!!
this southern gent was not ready for a high of 38
i mean i love it
i love winter
i love it to death
but it happened so quickly
i didnt have a chance to get ready for it
it just was there
my first winter in maryland also included the worst blizzard in ten years
feets of snow developed that one saturday
it didnt stop
my car, the poor thing was ingulfed in snow for days
piled up and over
oh the joy of this first winter
the beauty of it
the white fields
the way you can see the wind
winter is a beautiful season
one morning there were some snowflakes on my car
i actually saw the design of each snowflake on my car
and i remembered how scientist say that no snowflake is alike
there all different in some way, shape, or form
and i was a bit amazed by that
because i believe God the creator of all things, created each and every single snowflake different
a beautiful design of mathematic symmetry in each and every tiny flake of snow
i sat in my car thinking how God designed each and every single snowflake with careful art, so vastly different and as i looked outside i saw at least a million pounds of snow abroad the neighborhood, and sat amazed and awed by a God who did that
i love reading genesis one, really reading it, studying it, digging into it
reading the scientific structure of how God created the universe
how when He just spoke, things enveloped
c.s. lewis writes it in the magicians nephew, how aslan walks about the unknown, uncreated narnia, and he breaths his mighty breath, and all the plants, and waters, and animals, developed from his mighty roar
he presents the most beautiful way to describe the creation
when God breathed his mighty roar and on those six days when the world took its form, he breathed the scientific elements of creation as well.
the structure of which its to evolve
of how its to survive
the science of God is such a beautiful thing
God didn't present a random act of evolution with creation, He was particular
He was precise
detailed
graphic
He knew what species(of plant/animal) would survive where, and How it could survive
christians and science is not something that is easily welcomed hand in hand
one or the other is trying to disprove the other
but why cant science appreciate the beauty of a creator?
and why cant christians appreciate the structure of science?
why must there be a battle between the two?
why cant they just peacefully live aside of each other?
God, this great wonder of love and compassion, makes this world for His glory to dwell,
so He sets up this wonderful landscape for us to appreciate and rule over,
i sat there in my car, appreciating the beauty of my first winter, hearing the wind dance
and i was at awe
that night when i came home, and i looked at the sky, and saw the stars
the blackened sky millions of lightyears away
those balls of gas which illuminates its darkened stage
knowing Gods in those stars
screaming His glory over us
each step i took, hearing the crunch of the snow
seeing it melt away
the signature of God, and His love for us
you can't disprove the love of God, because its everywhere
you don't have to accept it, but you cant disprove it
His love so unending as the galaxy, so untamed as the sea