He let's me be a foolish child

it has hit the fan.
and I react as a dumbass would.
But He let's me act as a child.
For as He stands there,
letting me become depressed,
full of anxiety,
He let's me fit.
because its not like I'm asking for His help anyway.
cause that's what we (christians) do.
we want to be angry at God and not let Him work His mercy.
so He steps back, waiting til we realize, there is nothing wrong.
and when we realize nothings wrong,
that everything will be ok,
we laugh.
mostly at ourselves,
mostly out of joy
because He's laughing at us, as a father seeing His child throw a tantrum over a toy,
saying foolish child,
I was never away from you,
I was always with you,
I had everything planned,
throw your fit, be done with it,
and come back to me.
father I'm sorry for doubting you.
for not trusting you.
for letting the fear take me.
its showing me, putting my trust in you, isn't just words to say to sound nice during worship.
but its a physical placement of putting my life in your hands. something that we (christians) complicate, more so pervert.
because Gods plan for our life doesn't include fear and doubt, because fear and doubt isn't in Gods identity.
foolish as I am, thank you for letting me react humanly.
so I can find you again.