slowly fasting.quickly growing.giant leaping.

im going to do a week long media fast. starting now. baby steps. i just gotta see whats real to me.

if your my friend on twitter/facebook/plurk
that is my latest entry. and for the next week. my last.

im doing a 'media' fast, which includes the following.
tv.
internet.
two things i dont waste hours and hours on.
maybe tv.
and the occasionally lurk/wikipedia for a few hours.
im horrible.

im doing a media fast because ive tried to do a food fast and failed. as in the same day.

baby steps.

thats what i heard God say to me.
its ok to take baby steps.
it doesnt mean im spiritually an adolescence
it means i actually want to devote myself to the word and prayer completely for one week

what is fasting?
one definition explains it as a period of such abstention or self-denial.

i mean ive done a food fast before, in bible college. i can do it. i can.
is it just that im weak?
my will isn't strong enough and i give in easy.
do i give into temptation easier than i should.
am i weak?


well yes. yes i am weak.
but its ok to admit weakness though i think.
as christians we have to say we're not weak, we're more than conqurers!!
we are mighty warriors!!!!
people get shunned if they admit weakness.
you get looked at wierd if you repent your sins.
"we are all covered in the pure spotless blood of the lamb we cant go show our weakness around, the enemy will come and pounce, we cant admit our failures.
thats not what Jesus would like to see happen, His death will not go in vain!!!"

but push it all aside. the doctrince. the spirit. the church.
because at this moment, here.
im weak. im not strong, and i need help.
is this fast going to help me??
than why would i participate in a period of such abstention or self-denial.
because in admitting my weakness, Gods grace comes, and in Him is where i get my strength.
because thats what Jesus is
a substance which i dont have to come pure and holy to lay at His feet and weap.
i get to come to Him, and He makes me pure and holy, there, laying at His feet weaping.
Jesus was having dinner with simeon the chief pharrisee and a woman who was known as a "sinner" came in and wept at the feet of Jesus.
there she felt grace.
she was granted mercy and her sins was forgiven.

my definition of fasting is when our phyical body submits to our spirtual body and thus engaging in a transformation that is righteouss and holy.
baby steps.
am i getting baby steps righteousness and baby steps holiness?
no
becuase what i put into this thing is what i will get out of it.

in bible college i fasted for like two months once, and i didn't pray, nor hardly read my word (outside what was assigned for school) i really didnt submit my physical to my spirtual.
the only thing that happened to me was i lost some weight.
my spirit man didnt grow.

this fast will envolve a desire for growth.
i want something.
i need something.
and the only answers come from yahweh.

i see this ball in my stomach, and its growing, and it wants to burst, and i want to scream, and i cant because im scared, and i feel ashamed if i let it go, so i contain it.
only giving it the right time to let it grow, but quickly holding on to it, quenching it. killing it.

i cant keep holding it anymore, my deep is calling out to His deep, and for this time i need to let it loose.
to fly.
to grow.
i need to explore more deeply the reality of God.
baby steps? giant leaps.
i need to smell God, to taste, to see



thank you.