the ravens and the ninja.

so i live in maryland now.
finally.
this day has been talked of for so long.
but finally its here.
its kinda wierd.
i dont live in florida anymore.
i miss florida.
i mean.
parts of it.
not the weather.
i wasn't a huge fan of the beach so i dont miss that.
the people.
i miss the people in florida.
the whole atmosphere.
the florida vibe.
ill bring the florida vibe to maryland.
ill infect this northen state with the culture of florida.
so let me tell you about the journey from bradenton florida.
to chattanooga tennessee.
to hagerstown maryland.
6am.
she woke me up at 6am.
do you remember when i said i had that florida vibe.
well in that.
6am wasn't a huge part of it.
we packed the car like there was no tomorrow.
full to the rim.
after my parents prayed for us.
blessed us.
and kissed us goodbye.
we went forth ahead to this destiny.
but it was still 6am.
actually by this time it was closer to 7am.
i just wanted to beat atlanta traffic.
cause if you dont know anything about atlanta traffic then you dont know traffic.
9 hours.
9 hours is what it took me and staci and the z-fighter.
the z-fighter is the name of the beast of a vehicle i call my own.
9 hours.
9 hours is what it took me and staci and the z-fighter to reach my grandparents home in chattanooga tennessee.
a beautiful place.
she fell in love with it automatically.
which is good for me.
cause i love the chatt.
the chatt is my nickname for chattanooga.
i just made it up right now as im writing this.
it'll catch on.
so we spend some time with my grandparents.
talking.
laughing.
and fellowshipping.
a good time.
its been a few years since ive seen them last and the last time ive seen them last was when my dad was in the hospital.
so to see them without any medical attention was a good thing in my opinion.
spent the night there because i needed to rest my weary bones.
by the way did i mention the only thing we were listening to for the entire ride was country.
and being more specific taylor swift.
not my choice but i am secure enough to say that i enjoy taylor swift.
so what.
shes good.
morning drew upon us.
and we began another journey.
another 9 hours to maryland.
after being prayed for by my grandparents.
being blessed by them.
hugging and kissing them.
we went on for this last leg of my move.
another 9 hours.
just driving thats all.
nothing special.
we didnt pull over to the side of the road every cool touristy thing we saw.
we drove it straight through.
got in towards the 9 or 10 o'clock hour.
and we just crashed.
my driving was over with.
my car made it.
and that was the suprise of all.
that the z-fighter made it.
a car with over 180,000 miles made another cross country trip.
maybe not cross country but up country.
its wierd.
more so scary.
i mean.
i moved away from my friends and family.
i never thought i would do that.
i know it was going to happen.
that it was supposed to happen.
no one can be in a long distance relationship forever.
so it was bound to happen.
i just cant believe it finally happen.
to me.
so i finally got a job.
when i start working there is another story.
its taking a couple days to long for the final paperwork/background check to get done.
but i have a job.
thank God cause the money i came up here with is saying goodbye quickly.
and bills are about to say hello.
that right there was a stretching point.
the im about to experience a new level of my faith point.
no income.
no reserve.
starting to totally freak out.
becoming anxious.
then i realized.
i didnt lay down all my fears to God.
and i allowed the enemy to plant seeds in my spirit saying that this was a bad idea.
but.
He feeds even the ravens.
Luke 12.24.Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?
im much more value than the birds.
and once i realized what im doing by moving to maryland is a holy venture.
that God has anointed both staci and i for this.
and once i realized that i have Jehova Jirah.
i didnt care.
i said Lord you are worth it.
You have every part of this plan written down.
and you know when everything is going to happen next.
so i have no fear anymore.
i have no anxiety anymore.
i worship you in this struggle.
i thank you for the stretching.
and i say that you are my God.
what i realized is that God will not leave you all alone to figuire life out for ourselves.
Hes there with you as you figuire life all alone for yourself.
with His still calming voice whispering down your spirit.
Hes like a ninja.
Hes there but we dont see Him.
and thats why He is so amazing.
a God i can call all my own.
that we may feel all alone yet we rest in His arms and we dont know it.
James 1.2-4.Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
through this ive come to realize that stretching of ones self is a very uncomfortable place to be set in.
and thats exactly how God intended it.
He doesnt want it to be easy peasy.
because what do we learn from it.
i was raised hearing the phrase "no pain, no gain" scattered upon tshirts and stickers.
never understanding that phrase until recently.
until recently have i felt pain, and until recently am i into the process of gain.
im gaining more mature in the Lord.
my spirit man is advancing with this new journey.
and it is good.
so the phrase "no pain, no gain" takes on a whole new reality for me.
a new world.
an alternate universe.
where a boy becomes a man.
and ventures into something he has no clue about.
theres no book i can read that can help me.
no map to follow.
cause thats cheating.
and what do you gain from it.
so yeah.
qouting jim carrey in bruce almighty.
"its good".
its good.
or it will be good.

FEAR. the beginning and end.

question.
is it ok to admit fear?
is it ok to be afraid?
to say, crap, im scared.
2 timothy 1:7.for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
but is it ok as christians to admit some form of fear.
because im not going to be super-spiritual and say im not afraid of anything
because im freaked out
soon im moving from the wonderful state of florida, to to the beautiful state of maryland
i will leave my friends and family and impart on a journey into the phase of manhood
and let me tell you
im freaking out about it
and like i said, im not going to be super-spiritual and say im not afraid, cause like i said; i am.
im walking out of the comforts of home and into the land of responsibility, the mountains of paying your bills on time, the valleys of landlords and neighbors, the skies of opportunities and failures.
ive spoiled myself with my parents hospitality
im not prepared for this
sits back, sighs, rubs his head, puts hands on head, prays, "God help me"
this adulthood, oh the woes of it all
why cant life be a little bit easier?
a friend of mine said, "The condition for a miracle is difficulty... the condition for a great miracle is impossibility!"
how true it is
my fear is the unknown
not knowing what is to come, to have a huge amount of change just appear before you
what scares me is not having a handle on the situation
i play it off easy at times
i might look like a lax gentlemen, but i like to have somewhat structure
i do live in where ever the wind blows moment, but i feel comfortable with a plan
.....the condition for a miracle is difficulty
why did he say that?
im in need of a miracle here, so why does the condition for this miracle have to be a difficult pill to swallow?
......the condition for a great miracle is impossibility.
hes such a jerk im serious
but this is what life is
or what its supposed to be, no smooth plains, but bumpy roads
life is an uncomfortable couch to sit on, with a piece of metal piercing out of the cotton exterior, jabbing into your backside, your annoyed but you cant do anything about it because you have two people sitting at your right and your left, so your stuck there
with that still, peaceful, calm voice directing your steps, you find a cushion spike free, one person gets up, you adjust, freedom, comfort, thank you Jesus
you walk into some incredible moment wrapped in a bow given to you by God
the future is a gift given to us by God, thats why we call it the present
im sorry, that was beyond cheesy
i think christians over spiritualize alot of things
for instance, i think its ok to admit fear, rational or irrational
we can have fear, but we shouldnt be consumed by it
its ok to be afraid
mary was afraid when the angel appeared to her
and what did the messanger say?
fear not
there it is
God gets the glory
because in that fear, is where we seek God the most
because everything we do comes back to God getting the glory
i have to be afraid of this change coming
so that when i see that theres nothing to fret about, i can say, Lord you are amazing
we can let the fear alter our state of being, or adjust our eyes and praise the God who watches our every step
psalm 23:2.He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.
that verse is referring to someone who is in full submission to God
so if Hes making me lie down in green pastures, and leading me beside still waters, all referencing places of comfort, why should we/i be afraid than?
its ok to be afraid of the unknown, but when your holding the hand of the creator of the unknown, its gonna be ok
dont worry
breath
check your pulse
your fine

awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light

so my fast is over.
it was good.
real good.
like i had no desire nor did i miss the tv/internet
it was awesome

the whole purpose for the fast was to envelop a revolution of Gods word in my life
it was to birth a desire to pray and seek the throne room
to much do we make excuses for not training ourselves in a lifestyle that is modeled after Christ
sadly, i was the worst offender

i know that i am (trying to say this humbly) a spiritual person
ive been mentored by some amazing men and women of God
but there are somethings teachers cant teach
somethings which i have to mold myself into
an endtime warrior, a zealot towards the causes of justice, but most important, broken.

perfumed with His presence, and filled with His fire

God is the sculptor and we are the clay
but times are called when i have to use my own hands and mold myself into the image of Jesus
this is the form of spiritual adulthood
to drink the milk, but to eat the meat aswell
this is the thing they dont teach in sunday school
pass the stories of noah, and moses
it goes deeper
the rabbit hole takes you into another world as alice found out
thats why i admire muslim children
because there not taught history lessons of there faith
there taught to die for it
im not blaming my sunday school teachers
im blaming americana christianity
the bastard thats taken an income off of Jesus
the whore of 501(c)(3) non-profit organizations

cultivation
repetitiveness
habit
this week was time developing a habit
its horrible thing to do
to make a habit of spiritual training
this should of been done long ago
but laziness is a devil

proverbs 19:15.laziness casts one into deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger
hungry and asleep
or you can say
apathetic and tolerate
i let my surroundings surround me
to the point of just looking the other way
apathetic and tolerate
you can say
pathetic and hypocritical
i made a mockery of the cross
of what it means
of what it is
and of what He did

this week was a week of regeneration
to let the lion the roar inside of me
to tremble in fear
and to be prepared for war

in the movie prince caspian
when aslan roared
nature woke up
after hundreds of years of slumber
they awoke
when the telemarianes invaded narnia they battled with the narnians
and they drove them into isolation and hiding
and the once alive creation muted themselves
the trees no longered danced
the animals no longered were sought as friends
once aslan returned
and he let out his mighty roar
the trees became alive and the waters awoke

that was my intentions of this week
my church had its annual summer camp and it was an intense time in the presence of God
words were spoken that pierced my spirit
worship was played that took me into realms
and i had no distractions that could of caused me to look otherwise
if i didnt worked i was in my room
seeking God through his spoken word

the seed was planted
the water was poured
the season went
and what became of it is transformation
2 corinthians3.18. and we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
His likeness is our desire
His ever-increasing glory is how we get there
and i want to be there

revelations 22.17.the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

slowly fasting.quickly growing.giant leaping.

im going to do a week long media fast. starting now. baby steps. i just gotta see whats real to me.

if your my friend on twitter/facebook/plurk
that is my latest entry. and for the next week. my last.

im doing a 'media' fast, which includes the following.
tv.
internet.
two things i dont waste hours and hours on.
maybe tv.
and the occasionally lurk/wikipedia for a few hours.
im horrible.

im doing a media fast because ive tried to do a food fast and failed. as in the same day.

baby steps.

thats what i heard God say to me.
its ok to take baby steps.
it doesnt mean im spiritually an adolescence
it means i actually want to devote myself to the word and prayer completely for one week

what is fasting?
one definition explains it as a period of such abstention or self-denial.

i mean ive done a food fast before, in bible college. i can do it. i can.
is it just that im weak?
my will isn't strong enough and i give in easy.
do i give into temptation easier than i should.
am i weak?


well yes. yes i am weak.
but its ok to admit weakness though i think.
as christians we have to say we're not weak, we're more than conqurers!!
we are mighty warriors!!!!
people get shunned if they admit weakness.
you get looked at wierd if you repent your sins.
"we are all covered in the pure spotless blood of the lamb we cant go show our weakness around, the enemy will come and pounce, we cant admit our failures.
thats not what Jesus would like to see happen, His death will not go in vain!!!"

but push it all aside. the doctrince. the spirit. the church.
because at this moment, here.
im weak. im not strong, and i need help.
is this fast going to help me??
than why would i participate in a period of such abstention or self-denial.
because in admitting my weakness, Gods grace comes, and in Him is where i get my strength.
because thats what Jesus is
a substance which i dont have to come pure and holy to lay at His feet and weap.
i get to come to Him, and He makes me pure and holy, there, laying at His feet weaping.
Jesus was having dinner with simeon the chief pharrisee and a woman who was known as a "sinner" came in and wept at the feet of Jesus.
there she felt grace.
she was granted mercy and her sins was forgiven.

my definition of fasting is when our phyical body submits to our spirtual body and thus engaging in a transformation that is righteouss and holy.
baby steps.
am i getting baby steps righteousness and baby steps holiness?
no
becuase what i put into this thing is what i will get out of it.

in bible college i fasted for like two months once, and i didn't pray, nor hardly read my word (outside what was assigned for school) i really didnt submit my physical to my spirtual.
the only thing that happened to me was i lost some weight.
my spirit man didnt grow.

this fast will envolve a desire for growth.
i want something.
i need something.
and the only answers come from yahweh.

i see this ball in my stomach, and its growing, and it wants to burst, and i want to scream, and i cant because im scared, and i feel ashamed if i let it go, so i contain it.
only giving it the right time to let it grow, but quickly holding on to it, quenching it. killing it.

i cant keep holding it anymore, my deep is calling out to His deep, and for this time i need to let it loose.
to fly.
to grow.
i need to explore more deeply the reality of God.
baby steps? giant leaps.
i need to smell God, to taste, to see



thank you.

the story of staci and me

theres this girl. and she is something awesome. she drives me crazy. and crazy in love.
shes lives in maryland, and as of june 18th 2009, i still reside in florida.
how did this pair meet?
www.eharmony.com
im totally kidding. seriously.
but seriously. how we met. is awesome.
between the years of 2006-2008 i traveled off and on with tommie zito ministries. a revivalist, whose passion was to awake the sleeping church, and take back their city, to teach a church to share their faith in Jesus to a damned generation.
(i just wanted to say damned)
i worked for the tech department, filming the services, taking photographs, video editing, and some web site maintenance.
i want to give a quick shout out to firefox's spell check tool, for without you, this entry would look so retarded.
february. williamsport maryland. gateway ministries.
it was a week of incredible meetings, so awesome they decided to continue for another week.
we made good friends there, some i totally forgot, others i occasionally chat with, one i fell for completely.
one evening, i was asked to do something, im sorry i couldnt give you the information of what that something was, because frankly, i dont remember. chances are it was something to do with a camera. chances are correct.
i was walking up their sanctuary, minding my own business, and suddenly, this girl interrupted my focus and said, "you know, i think you should smile more."
and that was that, i said, "oh really now" laughed and went on my way.
five, maybe six steps later, i turned around to see who this girl was, and why did she stop me?
did i have a look of anger on my face, frustration? ive been told when im doing nothing, i have a blank stare. my face says nothing when nothing is going on, my body language is completely void of all interaction when there is nothing to say or do.
people ask if im ok, depressed or something, will they leave me alone im fine.
im fine.
so why did she interrupt me, two years and some change later i dont care.
im so glad she did.
the next evening i was up near the sound booth working on a computer, when she walked up there talking to another member of the road team. i was done with my work but i stood there, waiting for her to walk away, so we may "accidentally" cross paths and i can smile at her and greet her.
i did this at least twice that i know of.
im quoting fitzwilliam darcy when i say, "she bewitched me mind, body, and soul"
for some reason she found my phone number.
that reason was myspace, cause im the genius who put his phone number on myspace.
i did that because i wanted some girl to call me, seriously. i was that shallow.
when she texted me. the next day i took the number down.
we then began a texting relationship that would go past my allowed messaging plan.
asking questions personal, odd, informal, and amusing.
during this period of time, or time i would like to call the application process, i figured out she was the one for me.
she was the one i knew that i could spend the rest of my life with.
i knew this, because she had the same level of sarcasm as i.
the conversation went...
staci: do you have any kids?
seth: no, do you?
staci: yes, a daughter
seth: oh cool
(now in my mind i already made the decision of, well it was nice to meet you, hope to see you at the meetings, and oh yes i will be avoiding you)
but than she did something so daring, so incredible, something so life changing that it would ignite a fire in my heart, two years and some change later i cannot put out, and i have tried, at least three times. sarcasm)
staci: im just kidding
she was just kidding, she lied to me, how dare she, does she not know how wrong that was to do that to someone? to lie to them, via text! how dare she!!
but i have done this so many times before to other random people i know and love.
at that moment there, i knew she was the one for me.
my heart knew she was it.
now as we let time catch up to us two years and some change later
it is june 18th, the time is two thirty six in the morning, and i am working a job that i am ready to move on.
i am saving as much money as a can, and with the plan that i have presented myself, by mid august when she flies from maryland to florida, a few days later we will begin a journey that will bring me an entire new world.
i will step into a new phase of manhood.
genesis 2:24-Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
i am embarking on a journey that will take me from the south to the north.
i will not forsake my southern roots, but i will embrace a new way of life, as i leave my home, my friends, my life, and begin a new one with staci.
i have no clue what is going to happen in the next coming months, but i know that i have faith that God will guide my steps each way
He will be there as comforter to me
i once was nervous about this move
i even feared it
but now i am filled with joy, i am filled with excitement beyond what i can imagine
i am going to move, to be with someone, that is completely opposite of me.
God are you sure?
i mean she literally, in all ways imaginable, is not compatiable.
she aggravates me so much, i have to deal with her emotions, i mean Lord are you sure
and when i, saying these things to myself, she will do something.
and she doesnt know what shes doing, but she does something, and i laugh, and i continue to laugh.
and she gets annoyed. and i forget about all worry i have, and i know in my heart that i love this girl with all my soul.
that God has designed the two of us to be one.
football! bar-b-q! spitting! guns! whatever, im a guy. im just saying this so i can get lucky.
no im saying this cause i love her so much, and i cant waite to jump into this vast unknowing life that is to be.
its two forty nine in the morning.
and im going to bed now.
if you read all of this, then, im impressed.
its two fifty.
this is the story of staci and me
what is, and what is to be.she hates this picture. but its one of my favorites.

why?

why did i start this blog?
because i want to inspire my self?
because i have alot of things to say, and twitter only gives me so many characters?
i dont know how to use the 'note' option on facebook?
i dont use myspace much anymore?
answer. all of the above.
i find i have somethings i want to say.
inspiring to either me or someone else.
but things.
about God.
culture.
art.
music.
movies.
literature.
i think im doing this because i know alot of people who have a blog and it seems like the "it" thing to do.
no.
i actually want to do this.
i want to write.
i want to inspire.
i want to make people confused.
i want people to think im trying to hard to be intellectual.
i want people to see how stupid i am.
this could be a good thing.
therapy.
memoirs.
documentation.
ok well im going to end this.
and let you enjoy it.